PLEASE IGNORE MY CONSTANT INCESSANT WHINING

i am full of rant tonight
so i am going to rant
you should probably avoid reading this

Anyways.
Let me start by saying that my heart literally feels like it's broken.
I feel like I'm having a fucking breakdown 24/7.
Maybe because I'm spending too much time around people.
I always feel like a 3rd wheel. .___.
Especially with my ex and her friends.
They always crack jokes about how they love eachother so much and stuff.
And about how I'm supposedly gay.
Sure, I can take a joke sometimes.
But when you try to poke fun at my ethnicity/sexuality, that really hurts.
I didn't even fucking know my dad was black for like, my entire life so far.
And I didn't know I had a younger brother who's currently fighting for his life against cancer.
My entire life has been a lie.
And I'd prefer you not remind me/make fun of that lie by calling me a nigger.
It's not funny.
And it insults me.
And is it a federal offense if I'm not a natural-born artist?
Sure, I can't draw "kawaii desu pika pika" like everyone else can.
But that doesn't make me less of a human than anyone else.
I really hate that I'm being rejected by my own ex-girlfriend because I can't draw.
At this rate I'm going to be alone and end up killing myself.
I don't want fucking help.
But it feels like I need it.
I don't want anyone to make a big deal out of it, though.
I'd rather get over it myself than have to go through therapy.
But knowing me, I'd never get over it.
Like my ex-girlfriend.
I'm hoping that some day I can finally meet her and we can get back together.
Like that'll ever happen.
Dreams are just reminders of what you'll never be able to have, in my world.
And all of my dreams are just artistic inspiration that'll never be.

There. I'm finished now.
Now you can tell me how pathetic I'm being over this whole thing. :3

WOO BUMPING UP MY OLD TOPICS WIN

anywho
just thought i'd say that i'm having another fuckin' emotional breakdown
i probably might have to talk to my mom about my depression some time
and i'll end up on medicine and start having hallucinations and some other shitty side effects and end up commiting suicide dfngkbrgjbasfkhsd ignore me i'm just being stupid again i'll probably be fine just like my mom is today
IGNORE ME I'M BEING STUPID AGAIN PLEASE IGNORE ME PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Medication doesn't always have those side-effects, but...it's not that uncommon. :x
Anywayyyyy.
Just remember you can talk to us about whatever's bothering you. I'll try my best to help, even if I'm not good at it.
And no, I'm not going to just ignore you when you're going through shit, I'm going to do my best to help, got it? >:c