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 MLIA (Warning: Content may be innapropriate for those who gasp and cover their mouths at naughty words)

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Nicholas
Duskull
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Male Posts : 29
Join date : 2010-03-13
Age : 22
Location : South pole of the moon

PostSubject: MLIA (Warning: Content may be innapropriate for those who gasp and cover their mouths at naughty words)   Tue Mar 30, 2010 6:29 pm

Just Copy n Paste MLIA or FML stuff that you think is funny.

Today, my teacher saw me texting under the desk and grabbed my phone. She didnt grab my penis. MLIA.

Today, I saw a commercial for the Snuggie. I thought it was stupid idea but I couldn't change the channel because I was under a blanket and I didn't want my arms to get cold. MLIA

Today I won a million dollars, but I closed out of the pop-up anyway. MLIA

Today, as I was waiting on line at a store, I noticed the cashier had a British accent. When it was my turn, I faked a British accent in conversation. He asked me where I was from, so I admitted that I was faking. His British accent disappeared as he said, "Me too." MLIA.

Today, my mom told me to clean my room because the cleaning lady is coming tomorrow. I'm still confused. MLIA

Today, I put my iPod on shuffle. I skipped most of the songs to get to the ones I like. MLIA

Today, my boss passed me in the hall at work and asked me "Do you have a sec?". I was trying to be flippant and replied "I have tons of secs". We both pretended I didn't say that. MLIA.

Today, I filled a Windex bottle with blue Gatorade. I then sprayed it into my mouth infront of my mother. She began to panic and scream and get hysterical. I thought it was funny. She didn't. MLIA

Today I realized that my daughters have bigger boobs than me. It's okay though because I'm their Dad. MLIA.

Today I had rice. I'm asian. MLIA

Today, I was in a store pretending to be a mannequin. I saw a little girl running around as her mom tried to leave, yelling, "I haven't said goodbye to everyone!" She proceeded to run down the line of mannequins, hugging them all. When she got to me, I hugged her back. I've never heard anyone scream so hard. MLIA

Today, I renamed my iPod "This ship" just for the pleasure of seeing the phrase "This ship is syncing" MLIA

Today, I thought it would be funny to fart in my roommates mouth while he was asleep. I walked over to him and pulled my pyjamas down and let loose. To my surprise it was a very wet one and I accidently took a dump on his face, he woke up and beat me until I was bleeding. FML

Today I noticed that my daughter was making funny noises which oddly ressembled the sounds my wife makes in bed. When I asked her what she was doing she said "I'm pretending to be mommy from last night." I was on a business trip last night. FML

Today, I went to my first strip club for my friends birthday. I also found out what my girlfriend does for a living. FML

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up!". FML

Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML

Today, I forgot to do my French homework, but since it was an online worksheet, I told my teacher my internet wasn't working. I told her with an e-mail. FML

Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML

Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML

Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death" (my dildo). FML

Today, I saw a video of me last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" naked. FML

Today, after a long stressful day, my boyfriend and I decided to take a shower together. As I'm telling him all about my day, I suddenly felt something warm on my foot, only to look down and see him peeing on me. When I asked what he was doing he said "I'm marking my territory, you're mine now." FML

Today, on the 6 train home, I had a gun placed against the back of my head and my wallet, watch, and iPod stolen. As soon as the robber got what he wanted, he turned and ran, dropping his weapon to the ground... I got mugged by a man wielding a F*ing Pez dispenser. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand, he grabs onto me and says, "I'm a koala and you're my eucalyptus tree!" He then continued to latch onto me for a good five minutes pretending to eat my hair. FML

Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML

Today, it's my 18th birthday. My parents got me a $5 gift certificate to Itunes. It came for free with the iPhone they just bought my sister for her middle school graduation. FML

Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused caling me Jill & her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML

Today, I was vacuuming my car and started to joke around with my six year old brother by sucking up his shirt and hair with the vacuum. I accidently sucked up his penis. My mom has caught him three times with the vacuum now. I turned my brother into a pervert. FML

WOW THATS A LONG LIST.
Betta save some for you guys to post.
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Male Posts : 439
Join date : 2010-01-06
Age : 23

PostSubject: Re: MLIA (Warning: Content may be innapropriate for those who gasp and cover their mouths at naughty words)   Wed Mar 31, 2010 12:26 am

I love MLIA and FML.

Last night, I found out that my Dad sleep walks. I saw him up in the middle of the night, and decided to give him a hug before going to bed. I hugged him, and said, "good night." He responded by hugging me back and saying, "Hello Fred." I am a girl, and have no clue as to who the heck Fred is. I feel somewhat frightened. MLIA.

Today while i was in class, i had forgotten to turn my phone on silent. Someone decided to call me, causing my loud ringtone to go off. Every student in the class started coughing really loudly until i could turn the noise off. My teacher had no idea whose phone it was so she let us off with a warning. I felt so loved. MLIA

Today I went on urbandictionary.com for the first time in a long time, and naturally what's the first thing I look up? Miley Cyrus. Miley is described as "Someone who could kill Chuck Norris with her singing." Agreed. MLIA.

Today, I read a MLIA about a "Happy Womb Emancipation Day!" sign. On my birthday, I received a card from my friend saying "have a jolly good anniversary of your escape from the womb". MLIA

Today I was reading an MLIA story and laughed out loud. My sister, on the computer behind me, laughed out loud at the same time. When I turned to see why she had laughed I saw the same MLIA story on her screen. We are so related. MLIA.

Today, I read a quote that said "if you want your name to live on, just make a good quote" by Anonymous. Ahh the irony of it MLIA

Today, my friend came over and had a big bruise on her head. I asked her how she got it and she said it was a sports injury. She was diving for the tennis ball in Wii and her head hit the dresser. MLIA

-just posting some of the recent ones lol-
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Nicholas
Duskull
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Male Posts : 29
Join date : 2010-03-13
Age : 22
Location : South pole of the moon

PostSubject: Re: MLIA (Warning: Content may be innapropriate for those who gasp and cover their mouths at naughty words)   Wed Mar 31, 2010 8:45 pm

Today, I told the office at my high school that I was looking for my brother Hugh. They asked me what his last name was, and I said, "Our last names are all Jass." She picked up the intercom and said, "HUGH JASS PLEASE REPORT TO THE MAIN OFFICE. HUGH JASS." Do I really have a brother? No. Is my last name really Jass? No. Did I pull the best prank ever? YES. MLIA

Today, I woke up with a bra on. I am a man, single, and live alone. MLIA

Today, I printed my History assignment out at school. When I got to the printer it said PAPER JAM so I opened up the printer. Inside was an orange. As in the fruit. MLIA.

Today, I saw a police officer pull over a Krispy Kreme donut truck. MLIA

Today, my friend wanted to make the word 'large' the new 'cool'. But that plan failed when after every time she went 'thats so large!' you could hear someone say that's what she said. MLIA

Today, I was stopped at a red light behind a hearse. The license plate read, "URNEXT." I switched lanes as soon as possible. MLIA.

Today, I was talking on the phone with my mom. All of a sudden she started panicking because she couldn't find her cell phone. I let this go on for a good 6 minutes before she told me she'd talk to me later just so she could find it. MLIA

The next one might blow your mind so i'll put it in spoilers
Spoiler:
 

Today in Drama class, we were making a tableau of a theme. My group consisted of one guy (he's darker) and three girls. We chose the theme of happiness, so we all hugged (with the guy in the middle). The rest of the class had to guess what the theme was, and someone yelled out Tiger Woods. MLIA

Today, whilst drinking Mountain Dew, my dad told me that it would lower my sperm count. Thank you, dad, for being concerned about your 15 year old daughter's sperm population.MLIA

Today, my RA mentioned to our hall that if your roommate dies, you automatically get A's for the semester. My roommate has been giving me weird looks all day. I'm scared to go to bed. MLIA
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PostSubject: Re: MLIA (Warning: Content may be innapropriate for those who gasp and cover their mouths at naughty words)   Thu Apr 01, 2010 3:38 am

Today, I was at a park, and searching for wi-fi on my itouch. I came across a locked network named "Not4u2use." Remembering some MLIAs I had read, for the password I typed in "yesitis." It worked. MLIA

Today, I visited Intercourse,Pennsylvania. I bought a T-Shirt that said "Welcome to Intercourse!." Guess what I'm wearing to church? MLIA

Today, I was talking on the phone with my mom. All of a sudden she started panicking because she couldn't find her cell phone. I let this go on for a good 6 minutes before she told me she'd talk to me later just so she could find it. MLIA

Today in science, my teacher told us to turn to page 69 in the book. Topic for the day? The Big Bang Theory. Well done textbook writers, well done. MLIA

Today I was applying to university. There was an option to pick the title you would prefer to have before your name, and there were things like Mrs, Miss, Mr, Dr, etc. Let's just say that now all the mail I am receiving from the schools are addressed to a Captain Madison E. MLIA

Today, while I was watching a rally supporting gay rights, people were yelling the slogan "Get it straight-- don't discriminate!" I laughed at the irony. MLIA

Today, I put food coloring in pancake batter and made rainbow pancakes. They were amazing. MLIA

Today, I decided to see what would happen if I actually wrote "Gullible" on the ceiling of one of my classes. Later on in the class kids started to notice, some laughing hysterically. Eventually the class was split in half, kids who saw it and kids who figured it was a trick, arguing about it. Finally, my teacher settled it by ordering everyone to look at the ceiling. This took up most of the period and we didn't get homework. I have never felt so much like an evil genius. MLIA.

Today I played the Super Mario theme song as I was jogging, and as I jogged I jumped over puddles stepped on bugs, and when I found a penny, threw it up in the air so I could hit it with my head like Mario does. MLIA

Today, when I tried to wake up my girlfriend for class, she rolled over, glared at me sleepily, and muttered "Platypus." MLIA.

My mom is a cook and she bought a new steak knife. On the side of the knife there was a sticker that said: "WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN." Wow. MLIA

Today, we started scheduling for next years classes. A senior offered to give me some advice on what to take. She said to take AP English because if you mention to the teacher that you think Snape really was a good-guy, and that he was just helping out Dumbledore, she will stop class and spend the rest of the time proving you wrong. I'm taking AP English. MLIA

Today, I was video chatting my boyfriend, who is currently at college living in a house with 14 of his track friends. Out of nowhere, Taylor Swift music started blaring and I sat there and watched a bunch of huge muscley guys jam out to "You Belong With Me". Air guitars and all. They had NO idea I was able to see or hear them. Needless to say, I can't wait to meet his friends. MLIA

I had a coin with 2 same faces on each side. Being bored I made a bet with my cousin for every time I get heads he owes me a dollar. He being the luckiest person in our family since little he made the bet. I won $15 before he quit. MLIA

Today as I walked to class, the wind kept on blowing my umbrella inside out. I was so annoyed I decided that I'd rather get wet, so I closed my umbrella. That's when I noticed it wasn't raining. MLIA

Today while waiting in line at a mini these 2 girls were flirting with the hot new cashier and were telling him how his shaggy dark hair reminded them of Edward Cullen. I laughed and said "I say it looks more like Harry Potter in the goblet of fire" ... guess who got his number? MLIA

Today, whilst drinking Mountain Dew, my dad told me that it would lower my sperm count. Thank you, dad, for being concerned about your 15 year old daughter's sperm population.MLIA

Today, I was signing up for an account on a website. When typing in my birthday, I decided to put down February 30th. The website accepted it. MLIA

Today, I took my daughter to the park, and a little boy came up to talk to us. I didn't catch his name, but I did learn that he's 7, knows two karate moves, and he's "had a good life." MLIA

Today my 2 year old duaghter who has never talked before in her life had a piece of paper with 'Wine' written on it. She looks at me and says "WINE!" really loud. I'm not sure if I should be worried my daughters first word was an alcoholic beverage, or if I should be excited my daughter is a super genius and can read before she can talk.

Today, I work at the DMV and some man came in to get a new license. I asked for his name to type into te system and he says "Bend over." I did not find his humor funny so I asked to see his birth certificate with the name "Ben Dover" printed on the line. Best Name Ever. MLIA

Today, I learned that a pink star is a symbol of the gay community. I've had my suspicions about Spongebob, but I guess they've been confirmed. MLIA

At my school, we have our own personal email addresses. The email name is set up as first name initial and then last name. My friend is french and her last name is Diot. Her first name starts with an I. I laughed so hard when I realized this. MLIA

The other day in English, the topic of abuse came up during discussion and we were talking about how its not right to spank children and my teacher asked is it ever right for someone to spank their husband/wife. I fell out of my desk. She didn't realize and then she went RED! She stuttered "I mean hit, not spank, don't answer that, oh please, god please don't answer that!" Made my day. MLIA

I was on the computer today when I heard my mom scream Stupid F**Khead. Naturally I got up to see what the fuss was about. She and my brother were playing Mario Kart and my brother pushed her off the rainbow road... I think he deserved it.MLIA

Today, my American friend corrected my way of holding chopsticks. I couldn't do as he instructed. I'm Asian, and have never been outside of Asia my whole life.

Today after dinner my mom was doing the dishes, while me, my brother, and my sister were nearby. A military commercial came on the TV, where a girl wants to talk to her mom about enlisting. The girl on the TV said, "Mom..." My mom said, "What?" in response. She had no idea why the three of us were laughing. MLIA.
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